i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
