We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
