I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
