I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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