Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The adults are the big ones right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
