the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
