I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
