I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
