You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
