To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
