it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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