my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
