I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize