i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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