maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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