This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
