took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
