I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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