since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
