Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
