Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
