I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize