dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to calm my uterus...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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