I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
