we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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