When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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