ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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