Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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