he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
