Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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