Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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