Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
