My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
accomplished twins. life is a go
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
