Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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