I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
