thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
