Where is the hickey?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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