Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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