how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
