Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
