Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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