I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
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did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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