there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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