Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
