please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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