woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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