So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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