forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
