Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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