Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
