I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
