Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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