Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
