Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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