There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
