i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
