Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
