you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
