i can't believe i had my finger in that
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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