She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
