Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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