Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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