I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
