I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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