I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
