Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
